My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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