he shaved USA in his pubs
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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