You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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