These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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