I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
