I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
