If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
