So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
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He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
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He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
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