Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
