mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
