Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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