he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
