I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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