we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
