if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
