You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Randomize
