If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
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