The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Randomize
