Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
