gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
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