I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
