he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
