We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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