it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
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