So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Randomize
