So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
