that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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