I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
