Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
