omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
