when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
