You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
