Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Randomize
