I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Randomize
