my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
