he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
