Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
