we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
