She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
