Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
