I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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