bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Randomize
