In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Dick very happy bro
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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