I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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