My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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