he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
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