Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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