Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
