Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
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