My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
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