butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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