Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Randomize
