I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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