This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
there was a trapeze. enough said
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Randomize
