he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
