We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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