So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
