she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
