put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Someone came in the potted fern
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
