I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Randomize
