the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
