Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
