Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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