He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
