Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I deserve this hangover.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
