you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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