what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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