I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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