Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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