Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He passed out mid-signature
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize