I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
