i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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