never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Randomize
