ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
