just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
