I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
