She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
im holly from the hills drunk
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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