sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
