Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
