I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
she peed on how many people?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
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