I will die if light touches me.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Randomize
