both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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